Mindfulness is what, exactly?
Mindfulness is the act of being in the moment and learning to stay there and be present with whatever that moment brings. It is living more in awareness and less in distraction and/or continual searching for “something else” that feels better, newer, or more interesting. It is the intentional act of accepting life’s moments for what they are and learning to suspend the urge to change anything about the moment or how you feel about it.
Building the Mindfulness Muscle
If this sounds hard to do, well, it is! But the difficulty in doing it also helps point out that it is because it is a skill that needs to be developed. Living more mindfully is all about building the mindfulness muscle. The mindfulness muscle is the place in the brain that recognizes the current moment and draws your attention to the moment and then holds it there, regardless of what you think about the moment. It’s the glue that is needed to help you stick to the present and not shift your awareness on to something else. This is a very important aspect of mindfulness because without it, a person’s natural tendency will be to shift to something else less painful and more comfortable. But the biggest benefit of being mindful is to be able to “tolerate” and even “accept” what is less than comfortable. Many struggles in life come from the inability to sit with what is uncomfortable.
And by sticking longer in any one moment, you get to experience other aspects of life you would have otherwise missed out on. So many people spend such brief amounts of time in any one moment of life that they miss what the moment had to offer. But, I understand, many of life’s moments (at first glance) don’t feel like an opportunity to gain anything valuable. Especially if the moment contains uncomfortable emotions or memories, you hope you’ll forget.
But really, this is one of the most important points to understand about the value of living more mindfully. As uncomfortable as any one moment may be, it always has important bits of information for you to better understand about yourself and life. The more time you spend there and see what is emerging, the more information you will have to work towards the change you want in life. Avoidance may help you feel better in the short term, but rarely does it result in lasting change. Mindfulness is the first step in working towards the shift in perspective necessary for change.
Starting a Daily Practice
So, how do you begin building the mindfulness muscle? It all starts with a little practice. Intentionally practicing each day will help you begin to form the habit that then turns into more of a way of life. The first step is to consider the different ways to practice mindfulness. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy, there are two types of mindfulness practices:
- Open Mindfulness
- Focused Mindfulness
Open mindfulness refers to a practice in which you are “opening” your mind and exploring whatever comes up in the moment and learning to “unattach” to thoughts and emotions. This, of course, can be very difficult, especially if you live a life that offers little time to be with your thoughts and emotions on a regular basis. There likely will be a lot of material internally to contend with. This can also be difficult if you are unsure what to do with all the stuff that comes up. If avoidance of thoughts and emotions is a coping strategy, then it could feel very overwhelming to open up that “internal door” and see what is behind it.
Focused mindfulness, on the other hand, is a practice where you draw your attention to anything you may already be doing in the moment. This practice helps you draw your focus and maintain that focus on the present and learn to stay there. You can do this at any time of the day such as, washing dishes, brushing your teeth, walking your dog, drinking your favorite coffee or tea, looking out the window, etc.
The more you practice, the longer you can hold your attention and reduce the habit of needing constant distraction. This form of mindfulness practice can feel easier to accomplish as you are working on building the muscle to focus on something in the present that does not necessarily have any emotional charge to it. Many people notice with this type of practice how difficult it can be to intentionally focus on anything that doesn’t offer excitement or interest. Thanks to social media and technology, our brains have become accustomed to constant change and entertainment. Mindfulness helps to rewire the brain to make space for the mundane and boring. Believe it or not, this can change your life! Accepting the ordinary and boring aspects of life can help bring a greater sense of wellbeing and contentment in life.
Recognizing the Pitfalls of a Mindfulness Practice
As with any practice, it is important to remember that this is a skill like any other that takes time to develop. You wouldn’t expect to return to the gym after months or years of no exercise and then pick up where you last left off. Mindfulness also requires a dedication and regular practice. But, in teaching mindfulness for almost 10 years now, I have noticed that many people get quickly discouraged and give up the practice pretty quickly. In my experience, this is due to a few common pitfalls.
- People don’t really understand what the goal of mindfulness practice really is. If you believe that your goal is to attain a Zen-like state and find peace, then you will definitely be disappointed! Some moments may contain those; however, the vast majority of the moments won’t be anything like that. But, once you get better at building these skills and learning to live more mindfully, you will likely find more enjoyable moments that you would not have otherwise found. And, the consequences of not being mindful, which leads to a constant need for distraction, will be lessened and the urge to escape will begin to shift.
- The initial thoughts and feelings that emerge can be really difficult to be with. It is true that you may notice there is a lot that has built up, but the more time you spend with yourself, the more familiar you will be with what is there. A therapist can also help with this. Having a supportive and experienced person to help you explore what you’ve been avoiding and then make sense of why it built up in the first place can be helpful.
Are you ready to get started?
If you are ready to begin building that muscle, all you need to do is start being aware of your present moment. Start by setting a timer to help you remember to notice the moment and hold your awareness for at least 5-10 minutes at a time. If you find this difficult to incorporate or struggle with what has come up, then I can help. I am trained in mindfulness and have years of experience teaching it and helping clients learn how to incorporate it into their lives, so they benefit from living a life that is filled with more awareness and less need for escape. You deserve to have a life worth living and being fully present for yourself and those you love. Contact Becky online to get started.
